i have never wanted to end my life

ever

i've wanted to move away and never see anybody i know ever again

but i've never wanted to die

that's just silly

i know i don't have any say over when i die

but i have a say over how i look on life

which is key to happiness

i know what it's like to be depressed

and frankly, it sucks

but for the most part, it's a choice

feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to help

and neither is killing yourself

i love life

i would never end my own

there is so much that i have to do and see before i can leave this life

religion

• I think it's vital to have have religion in your life
• when people don't have guidelines and consistency, they tend to go a little crazy and make bad decisions
• sometimes I struggle with certain concepts and actions of my church but the principles it teaches and the values it gives the people within it, is exactly what people need 
• I have great respect for all religions and I love learning about all of them - I think it's important to know what other people believe and what they worship - it helps to understand them more.  
• when everything in life is hectic, I can always count on church to be peaceful, consistent, and exactly what I need

why people do drugs and drink consistently, is beyond me.

even though they've been warned throughout their entire life and been given great examples of why they shouldn't, they still do.

i'm not judging.

i get that its fun, that you can get away from everything, party, do crazy things you wouldn't normally do, and that it's just so great!

but really?

how great is it?

how many families have been torn up because of it?

how many relationships have been ruined because of it?

how many stupid things have you done that you'll regret?

is it actually making you happy?

i don't know the answers to all of my questions.

i do know countless families broken up because of it.

i've seen it in my own.

watched how devastated family members are.

been devastated with them.

80% of my friends from last year all do it.

are we still friends?

nope. 

because of it?

i'm not sure.

i do know it played a very big part in it though.

it may make you seem happy for awhile.

but in truth its not helping.

its hurting everyone around you

but honestly do you care?

that's the saddest part.

is that you just don't.

so my view on drugs?

they suck.

speaking from experience:

it's just not worth it

In the Future...

I want to be happy

I don't really care if I end up being super successful, or if I'm rich

I just want to live a satisfying life.

I do want to get married and have kids :)

I want to be a good mom, like my mom or my grandmom and my aunts. They're great examples. My grandmom especially, she knows exactly how to make you feel good and discipline you properly so that you do things to please her instead of because you're forced to do it. My kids will probably be spoiled - they're gonna be dressed well, have the cutest rooms ever and we're gonna do lots of fun stuff. 

My house is going to be awesome. I don't care if we buy a run down piece of crap house, I'm going to make it beautiful. Bright and clean and happy. 

I don't know what sort of job I want to have, probably something in art. 

Like: 

Interior Designer
Fashion Marketer
Photographer
Graphic Designer
Anything that gets my creative juices flowin.
BUT I am also fine with having a boring job. As long as it allows me to make enough money to support my hobbies.

If you're willing to go crazy for someone & constantly put up with their crap then consider yourself in love.

I'm taken. 

At one point I would have hated to not have my options open, to be tied down, to not be able to do whatever I wanted with guys. but for now, I am happy. I love not having to worry about whether I look cute or not, since he'll always tell me I am beautiful. I don't have to worry about impressing people or worry about whether he likes me or not; because I just know.  A lot of people would rather me not be in a relationship, which makes me sad. I always have someone to count on, someone who's stuck with me through everything when no one else was there - when no one else even bothered. So no, I'm not ending this. It's what makes me happy, it's what makes me smile all day long, it's why I'm able to make it through the day.  It's what I need.

that's all:)