i'm not good at speaking.

i'm terrible at verbalizing my thoughts and feelings.

i put them into words on paper but they never seem to escape my lips just right.

either i'm crying too hard

or i'm too overwhelmed to speak.

i can write through the tears,

i just can't seem to speak through them.

that's why i find it so difficult to answer the incredibly common question..

"what's wrong?"

that's why i always answer with..

"nothing. i'm fine"

when really i'm not fine

and my whole world is falling apart.

Soundtrack to my life

so that title is soooo last year.. heh heh

anyway

i put my ipod on shuffle and these are the first 15 songs

enjoy:)

Smile Like You Mean It - The Killers

I think Tanner Christensen gave me my love for the Killers

he made me multiple cd's packed with them until finally I was addicted

Mrs. Robinson - Simon and Garfunkel

again Tanner got me hooked

weird.

I honestly did not think Tanner had that much influence on me haha

Marijuana - Kid Cudi

awww ya!

haha Jantz made me a fantastic cd with man on the moon 2 and for a month after that's all we listened to

ever.

nothing else

surprisingly I'm still not sick of it

I Get Doe - Glasses Malone

junior year right there

haha that was our jam!!

brings back sooo many memories of driving around blasting it suuuper loud

Dog Days Are Over - Florence + The Machine

I'm absolutely in love with Florence + The Machine right now

can't get enough

Upside Down - Jack Johnson
not gonna lie
Jack Johnson has one of the sexiest voices I have ever heard..

Dani California - Red Hot Chili Peppers
love.

River of Dreams - Billy Joel

I Will Follow You Into the Dark - Death Cab For Cutie
Jae's so cool he can play this on the guitar
we're just "soo indie" that we sit in the bed of my truck singing along to whatever he plays (its a whole of 2 songs haha this and Such Great Heights)
we all wish we had Chandler and Jae's skills on the guitar
and Rachel and Becca's amazing singing talent
but instead we have them and then a bunch of tone deaf boys (mike *cough cough*)

Weekend Wars - MGMT

It Wasn't Me - Shaggy
an incredibly bad but hilarious song
men are stupid

Skinny Love - Birdy
my most favorite song in the world right now
I absolutely love her voice
also the original by Bon Iver is amazing

Don't Cry Out - Shiny Toy Guns
another band Jantz introduced me to
after a bad breakup STG is alll I listened to
such a good band

Was It Something I Said? - Brandon Flowers
I secretly have the biggest crush on Brandon Flowers
soooo good

Puppets - Atmosphere
Jantz again
oh how I love the cd's he makes me

well thats it for now! hopefully these videos work
but if not you should look them up :)
oh btw I got my senior pictures taken!
check em out
http://www.byjess.com/blog/?p=1331

oh lover, lover

we're cute

we go on adventures

he opens doors for me

he creeps

we're goofy

but we can be serious..

who am I kidding? we're always goofy and weird

it's strange to think it's almost been a year now that we've been dating!

holy cow!

nobody saw it coming.

but here we are still goin strong

I love him.

I'm 17 and probably have no idea what love is

but if it's anything close to what this is...

I'm gonna be one happy girl.

my first kiss went a little like this...

bleh.

to sum up my first kiss...

IT SUCKED.

you know how you always here cute stories about people's first kisses and you go "awwww"

ya.

not mine.

so i'd crushed on this kid big time for around a year.

we texted A LOT.

we didn't really hang out hardly ever

he'd come to work with me a couple of times, taken me on a date 

(i paid. um can you say jerk??)

come to my bday party

we were pretty good friends

did he like me?

nope.

he just wanted to get some

t.y.p.i.c.a.l. guy

so lets just throw it out there that i was very naive 

very

so he picked me up and we drove around

and stopped at e.v.e.r.y. makeout spot in provo

he was very subtle

ha

i still didn't get it though...

so finally he stopped and hopped in the back

i didn't catch on

i stayed in the front and we taaaaaalked forever

finally i joined him in the back

he lay down

i still DIDN'T GET IT

looking back now i feel sooo stupid haha

finally i lay next to him and we cuddled and talked

i turned to say something

and BOOM

tongue in my mouth

mouth open and everywhere

lots of slobber

"WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED?!!"

in  my mind of course

i quickly turned away

"was that really my first kiss?!" i asked myself

i lay there and completely convinced myself that it had not happened

i was sure i had just imagined the whole thing

but of course he was still there

and started makin out with me again

and i was like

WOAH. this is kinda sorta really fun

so there you have it.

my first kiss

so romantic.
not.

meh.