if he misses you, he'll call
if he wants you, he'll say it
if he cares about you, he'll show it
and if not, he can't be worth
your time because you're
obviously not worth his.
I miss being cared about.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
I guess it's all relative
"Today sucked."
I thought to myself while driving home.
"In fact, it probably couldn't get any worse... no, the only thing that could make this worse was if I got pulled over."
Not even 10 seconds later I saw the red and blue flashing lights right behind me.
I had just blown through a stop sign.
I would just jinx myself into that.
I pulled the car over, rolled down the window, turned the car off and got my license out.
The officer walked up and I handed him my license and reached over to get my insurance and registration.
"Do you have an up to date insurance card?"
I looked at the one he was holding, it had expired 2 months ago.
I quickly shuffled through the massive stack of papers I had found in the glove box.
Nothing.
"No Sir, I don't."
"Well, I pulled you over for running a stop sign."
I nodded.
"Are you in a hurry to get home on time for curfew or something?"
"No Sir, I'm just trying to get home after a really rough day."
"Would you like to tell me what's going on?"
No I did not. I did not want to say them out loud. It was going to sound stupid and I honestly didn't think I could get the words out without crying.
"Boyfriend problems?"
I laughed. Of course he would stereotype me into the hormonal teenage girl group.
"No Sir."
"Fine. I get it. I'm a stranger and you don't want to talk to me. That's just fine."
I responded shakily "It's not like that. To start off I broke my camera lens today."
"Ah. You're a photographer. I understand those can be pretty expensive."
You have no idea.
"Ya..."
"Well, would you like to tell me how fast you were going?"
oh crap. How fast was I going?
"35, 40?" I looked up at him having absolutely no idea how fast I had actually been going.
He just stared back blankly.
"Try 50."
50?!! There was no way. MY CAR CAN'T EVEN GO THAT FAST.
and then it hit me.
I wasn't in my truck. I was in the LAND ROVER.
I was flooring it and driving the LAND ROVER the way I drive my TRUCK.
Now if I had been in my truck, I probably wouldn't have even been going 25 mph.
but as luck would have it, I was not in my truck.
"oh my gosh." I squeaked out.
I ran my hands through my hair and took a deep breath and looked back at the officer.
He then went on to inform me that I was 17 (like I didn't already know)
that I was recklessly driving (like I hadn't figured that out)
and that he could impound my car and take my license away. (that part had not registered in my mind quite yet)
He asked my for the top paper in the stack of papers that I was holding.
It was my registration.
My hand was shaking so hard as I handed it over.
I honestly had no idea that someone's hand could shake that much, who's not over 80 years old.
I asked him if I could call my parents really quick and tell them I was going to be a while.
He told me that was fine and went back to his car.
I called my mom, and as soon as I heard her voice I started bawling. I told her I'd been pulled over for running a stop sign and speeding.
She tried to calm me down and tell me it was fine.
It wasn't though. I was so scared.
I could hear my dad in the background
"DO NOT ADMIT TO HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING!!"
ha. if only it were that easy...
"Oh! and whatever you do, DO NOT LET THEM SEARCH THE CAR. They do not have the right to do that."
What? Did you hide some drugs or guns in the car? Why would that even be an issue?
I told them I wouldn't do those things and said I'd be awhile and said good-bye.
By now, I was an absolute basket case. I'm all shaky, I can't get enough air and I'm bawling my eyes out.
I say a quick prayer asking for the cop to be understanding and that I'll be able to find a way to pay for the ticket. Which by the way could be over $1000 for my reckless driving.
The cop gets out of his car and I try and get rid of all the evidence of me crying.
He gave me one look and I could tell that I had not fooled him. He knew I was pretty emotional.
I took a deep breath and waited for my sentence.
"Tarryn, I want you to make me a promise tonight, I want you to promise me that no matter how bad of a day you're having that you're not going to drive recklessly."
I pulled myself together and quietly promised him that I would not put myself and others in danger, and that I would not drive recklessly.
He then said this:
"I want you to know that this citation I'm giving you is not going to cost you a penny."
I looked up at him.
Was he being serious?
He explained the whole thing to me
I got a warning for not having proof of insurance
I got a warning for not obeying traffic laws
and I got a fixit ticket because my left back light was out.
I was in shock.
All I could get out was "thank you. thank you thank you thank you." I'm pretty sure I was crying out of relief as well.
He told me how I should take care of everything and had me sign his paper.
He left by saying "I sure hope that your day gets better."
I could not believe it.
Now...
The lesson learned: was not that I need to drive safe, because I honestly already knew that. I was just being careless. What I did learn however, is that not all cops are dirt bags.
I've always had this hate for cops and their unfairness.
But tonight I was proven wrong.
Tonight my faith in humanity was brought back.
Some of us aren't here to just get money and make people miserable.
Some people actually care.
And I am so grateful.
I thought to myself while driving home.
"In fact, it probably couldn't get any worse... no, the only thing that could make this worse was if I got pulled over."
Not even 10 seconds later I saw the red and blue flashing lights right behind me.
I had just blown through a stop sign.
I would just jinx myself into that.
I pulled the car over, rolled down the window, turned the car off and got my license out.
The officer walked up and I handed him my license and reached over to get my insurance and registration.
"Do you have an up to date insurance card?"
I looked at the one he was holding, it had expired 2 months ago.
I quickly shuffled through the massive stack of papers I had found in the glove box.
Nothing.
"No Sir, I don't."
"Well, I pulled you over for running a stop sign."
I nodded.
"Are you in a hurry to get home on time for curfew or something?"
"No Sir, I'm just trying to get home after a really rough day."
"Would you like to tell me what's going on?"
No I did not. I did not want to say them out loud. It was going to sound stupid and I honestly didn't think I could get the words out without crying.
"Boyfriend problems?"
I laughed. Of course he would stereotype me into the hormonal teenage girl group.
"No Sir."
"Fine. I get it. I'm a stranger and you don't want to talk to me. That's just fine."
I responded shakily "It's not like that. To start off I broke my camera lens today."
"Ah. You're a photographer. I understand those can be pretty expensive."
You have no idea.
"Ya..."
"Well, would you like to tell me how fast you were going?"
oh crap. How fast was I going?
"35, 40?" I looked up at him having absolutely no idea how fast I had actually been going.
He just stared back blankly.
"Try 50."
50?!! There was no way. MY CAR CAN'T EVEN GO THAT FAST.
and then it hit me.
I wasn't in my truck. I was in the LAND ROVER.
I was flooring it and driving the LAND ROVER the way I drive my TRUCK.
Now if I had been in my truck, I probably wouldn't have even been going 25 mph.
but as luck would have it, I was not in my truck.
"oh my gosh." I squeaked out.
I ran my hands through my hair and took a deep breath and looked back at the officer.
He then went on to inform me that I was 17 (like I didn't already know)
that I was recklessly driving (like I hadn't figured that out)
and that he could impound my car and take my license away. (that part had not registered in my mind quite yet)
He asked my for the top paper in the stack of papers that I was holding.
It was my registration.
My hand was shaking so hard as I handed it over.
I honestly had no idea that someone's hand could shake that much, who's not over 80 years old.
I asked him if I could call my parents really quick and tell them I was going to be a while.
He told me that was fine and went back to his car.
I called my mom, and as soon as I heard her voice I started bawling. I told her I'd been pulled over for running a stop sign and speeding.
She tried to calm me down and tell me it was fine.
It wasn't though. I was so scared.
I could hear my dad in the background
"DO NOT ADMIT TO HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING!!"
ha. if only it were that easy...
"Oh! and whatever you do, DO NOT LET THEM SEARCH THE CAR. They do not have the right to do that."
What? Did you hide some drugs or guns in the car? Why would that even be an issue?
I told them I wouldn't do those things and said I'd be awhile and said good-bye.
By now, I was an absolute basket case. I'm all shaky, I can't get enough air and I'm bawling my eyes out.
I say a quick prayer asking for the cop to be understanding and that I'll be able to find a way to pay for the ticket. Which by the way could be over $1000 for my reckless driving.
The cop gets out of his car and I try and get rid of all the evidence of me crying.
He gave me one look and I could tell that I had not fooled him. He knew I was pretty emotional.
I took a deep breath and waited for my sentence.
"Tarryn, I want you to make me a promise tonight, I want you to promise me that no matter how bad of a day you're having that you're not going to drive recklessly."
I pulled myself together and quietly promised him that I would not put myself and others in danger, and that I would not drive recklessly.
He then said this:
"I want you to know that this citation I'm giving you is not going to cost you a penny."
I looked up at him.
Was he being serious?
He explained the whole thing to me
I got a warning for not having proof of insurance
I got a warning for not obeying traffic laws
and I got a fixit ticket because my left back light was out.
I was in shock.
All I could get out was "thank you. thank you thank you thank you." I'm pretty sure I was crying out of relief as well.
He told me how I should take care of everything and had me sign his paper.
He left by saying "I sure hope that your day gets better."
I could not believe it.
Now...
The lesson learned: was not that I need to drive safe, because I honestly already knew that. I was just being careless. What I did learn however, is that not all cops are dirt bags.
I've always had this hate for cops and their unfairness.
But tonight I was proven wrong.
Tonight my faith in humanity was brought back.
Some of us aren't here to just get money and make people miserable.
Some people actually care.
And I am so grateful.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
.
"He has cancer."
The words took a few seconds to actually settle in. As soon as they did, my eyes flooded with tears.
My mind was racing.
No.
Not him. Why him?
I've known what cancer is. I've know that people get it. But no one close to me had ever gotten it. I'd never experienced someone so close to me go through it.
Lots of people have had it. Lot's of people had it right now. I knew that.
But it's always been someone else's loved one.
Someone else's nightmare.
Someone else's problem.
Never mine.
But now it was.
Now it's real.
It was life's way of telling me to not take life for granted.
Life is precious.
I know that everything happens for a reason.
I know that this is part of a plan.
The part I have a hard time understanding, is why.
Why would someone so faithful, and so loving and so kind deserve this?
The future is going to bring pain and hurt and sadness.
I know that in the end we will all be happy together, but that doesn't mean that this will be easy.
In fact it's going to be so so hard.
I love him.
He's taught me so much.
He's one of the most intelligent and wisest man I will ever meet.
My lips tremble and my eyes glisten when I try to form the words to tell people what's going on.
I don't know what the future holds.
All I know, is that it will all be worth it in the end.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)